Whenever I’m asked what age I would like to be, my answer
is always either 20-something for more freedoms and wisdom. Or, if in a simple
state of mind, I’ll say I would like to be 5 years old again.
I remember being kindergarten age and five years old, the
infamously shy girl with the purple Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack I got
at a tag sale, all mad that I never got a snack in my lunchbox from my mom, playing
with the wooden blocks while chewing on my long hair (yeah, it was a weird bad
habit). I liked George Thorogood, Ozzy Osbourne, Kiss, and definitely AC/DC…
most memorable thanks to Ashleigh saying she was going to tell on me for
swearing because I was singing along to “Highway to Hell.” :P I was afraid of
down escalators and the big slide at school, I loved my pet cat Abu, I adored Dylan from Beverly
Hills 90210 and Tommy the White Power Ranger, and the best place to
eat out at would forever be Abdow’s on Boston Road, complete with hugs to the statue of Big Boy in
the parking lot.
Despite all that good stuff I had at a young age I was always full of little woes and looking ahead to the future, honestly believing I would never make it to graduation just because I couldn't picture myself much older than maybe 12 years old, tops.
One night I remember in particular; I was sitting in my mom's lap in the kitchen after dinner, upset and crying to her that I was ugly.
"But everyone says you look like me. Now you don't think I'm ugly, do you?"
"No..."
As supportive as the convo was, it didn't really stop me from believing that if I did manage to survive to adulthood somehow, I would live alone and independent from anyone and everyone else with little companionship outside of perhaps some animals... I wanted three cats at the time in a countryside home with a lot of space. I just didn't believe anyone would ever get to know me well enough to love me and only me, and at the same time, that I'd be able to deal with having some person around annoying me 24/7.
But things change. I'm not 5 anymore, I'm 18.
Abu got hit by a car.
I moved from the classic rock scene to 'N Sync and Hanson.
Abdow's got bulldozed and replaced by Bickford's.
I walked past the big slide in eighth grade. It's maybe only 6 feet tall.
I suppose I'm not so ugly anymore. :P
I no longer wish to grow up to live alone... I'll need someone to open those blasted bottles of Tylenol for me, an impossible task for me 99% of the time... and wake me up if the smoke detector goes off during the night. God knows I won't hear it.
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